Went to Word of Life and made some amazing friends

Graduated high school

Went to community college

Went to NYC three times

Found Nerdfighteria and Nerdfighters, making some of the best friends online I have ever made.

Got addicted to Twitter

Started making videos on youtube

Sister moved away and it was sad

Got  a niece and nephew that I love very much

Tried to do NaNoWriMo and failed

Learned how to play the ukulele

Got my first laptop

Got my first Ipod

Got a wii

Broke my laptop like three times

Sent over 4,000 tweets

Favorited over 700 videos on youtube

Bought rediculous clothes from the Share Shop for a dollar

I have done stupid things and awesome things.

I can’t say if I’m ready for the new year or not. All I know is that I’m ready for today to end. It’s been shit day. I’m ready to go to bed…

Today was the day that would haunt Jax Silvertone for the rest of his life. Tonight was his six month anniversary with his girlfriend Sophie Ray. He picked up a dozen roses and a beautiful diamond necklace. They were going to have dinner at her favorite restaurant and he was going to make everything go perfectly. ‘Nothing can ruin this night’ he told himself slicking black hair back. ‘Sophie and I are going to have the best night tonight. I’ve planed everything to the T.’ He mumbled pulling out a blue dress shirt and a pair of black slacks. He wasn’t particularly fond of dressing up but he knew Sophie would kill him if he didn’t try.

An hour or so later Jax pulled his coat out of the closet and grabbed his keys out of the dish by the door. He pressed the button to unlock the doors to his Lexis and noticed a van parked across the street. He looked at it for a moment and then shrugged it off. ‘Probably some of those stupid druggies. They are always at that house.’ He revved the engine and pulled out of the driveway. As he sped down the road he was totally unaware of the fact that the van parked across the street was following him.

“Sophie you look stunning.” Jax replied in aw as he stood in Sophie’s doorway. She was dressed in a black sateen evening gown and had her ginger hair up in loose curls. She was smiling the roses as she cooed “Aw Jaxie you didn’t have to get me these!! Can I put them in water before we go?” Jax nodded grinning sweetly as she trotted into her apartment. She pulled out a vase and filled it with water.

“Where are we going to dinner Jax?” she asked as she arranged the roses so that each one fit perfectly into the vase perfectly. “Only your favorite restaurant Soph. I wouldn’t go to just any place today.” Sophie squealed and kissed Jax on the cheek “I KNEW you wouldn’t let me down!”

Once Sophie was happy with the placement of the roses the two of them walked out to the car hand in hand. Jax always the gentleman opened the door as Sophie elegantly climbed into the car. Jax noticed a van parked a few apartments down that looked exactly like the van he saw earlier.

“Strange.” He said as he climbed into the driver’s seat. “What’s that?” Sophie inquired. “Nothing. Just I saw a van parked a few apartments down that I swore was parked across the street from my house. I don’t know why but I almost feel like I’m being followed.” Sophie reached over to take Jax’s hand. “Love no one is going to harm you” she said reassuringly. “Not so long as I’m around.” Jax laughed then. When it came to strength Sophie was lacking a great deal. She was beautiful. No doubt about it. However she couldn’t fight to save her life. Which is why she was lucky Jax was around. He was built, and if he had to he could knock a guy out pretty easy. It wasn’t something he did daily but it was nice to know he wasn’t defenseless ether.

The night went just as Jax had planed. They wined and dinned and even dance a little. Sophie practically jumped out of her skin when Jax set the jewelry box in front of her and she demanded that he help her put it on. The pair couldn’t be happier as they walked out to the parking lot. They were chatting animatedly about their first date when suddenly Sophie screamed. She saw him coming towards them with a gun. Instinctually Jax stood in front of Sophie.

“What do you want buddy? If its money just say so and I’ll pay you.” The stranger didn’t even care what Jax was saying. He had a mission and that was to kill him. Jax stepped forward and grabbed the mans gun hand. The assassin grunted and struggled to shoot him. He was close enough so it should have been easy. Jax swung so he had his back to the guy and that’s when it happened. Everything at that point seemed to flood Jax as if he swam too far out at see and was being pulled under by the giant waves.

As Jax swung to put his back to the stranger he shot the gun twice. Jax was prepared for that so he move swiftly placing his elbow expertly into the man’s face sending him sprawling to the ground.  As all this was happening he heard Sophie scream. He wasn’t sure as to why until he saw her sprawled out on the parking lot.

“SOPHIE!!!” Jax screamed as he ran toward her. He dropped to his knees scooping her up in his arms. One of the bullets shot her right in the middle of her chest. There was a crowd then and someone had screamed for the authorities to be called but Jax didn’t even notice. He was more concerned with Sophie. She was bleeding profusely and as he held her she coughed sputtering blood.

“Jax… I… I love you” she spoke softly, struggling to get the words out. Jax rocked her shushing. “Don’t talk Soph. Save your strength. They have help coming and you are going to be ok.” He was crying and Sophie could hear the pain in his voice. “Jax… If I don’t… make it… please move on.” She was crying too and then she coughed one last time and then went limp in Jax’s arms. He shook her gently whispering “no Sophie. Stay with me. Please. I can’t lose you. Please don’t die Sophie”. He knew she wouldn’t hear him though. She was gone, and he couldn’t save her. The paramedics were there then and one of them was telling him he had to let her go. “No… No she’s not gone.” The medic was picking Jax up slowly then and he screamed “SHE’S NOT DEAD! SHE CAN’T BE DEAD!!” The medic led Jax to the back of a waiting ambulance.

The whole ride there he just kept saying “She’s not dead. She’s not dead.” They checked his vitals and everything seemed fine. “Just traumatized” they said. Once he convinced them that he was fit to go home they called him a cab. All Jax remembers of that night is that he couldn’t sleep. He just lay in bed looking at the wall. The one woman he loved, would probably ever love, was dead. He didn’t know how he would live with himself.

THREE YEARS LATER

It was getting to be unbearable. He had been living with this grief for three years now and frankly he had enough. At first it was as if he was comatose. He would just lie in bed for days staring at the wall. Friends and family would come to see him but he would just mumble incoherently at them and tell them that he was fine. Finally people stopped showing up. He was ok with that. Then about three months after it all happened he started getting sick of looking at the walls of his boring apartment. He would go out and wander the streets, no real direction. Once he got stopped a number of times for being mistaken as a drunk he realized that just aimlessly wandering wasn’t a good idea. Slowly he got social again but he was never fully back to the way he used to be. His friends did everything they could to cheer him up but they just learned that he was going to be a bit of a downer from now on, not to pay any mind.

Especially on days like today. The anniversary of Sophie’s death. Everyone knew after the first year that it was best that Jax be left totally alone. They knew that it was hard for him so they just let him deal the best he could.

On his way home from work on the third anniversary of her death he stopped at the liquor store and picked up a bottle of vodka, tequila and some rum. His goal was to drown the memory of Sophie out of his head with as much alcohol as possible.  He parked his car and slowly stepped out. Even the house was getting to be a bit much for him. There was so much there that reminded him of her but he wasn’t willing to get rid of it no matter how much it hurt him.

As he walked up the walkway he cracked open the tequila taking two big gulps and then shuddering as he remembered how much he hated the taste. “This is gotta be bad” he muttered to himself fumbling for his house key. “If I’m willing to down this shit then I MUST be going insane”. He kicked open the door and threw down his briefcase. Shoes came next kicking them into the closet followed by the tossing of his coat. He swigged some more tequila deciding he was going to get the nasty shit out of the way first.

On his way to the den he saw pictures of her hanging on the wall. ‘She was beautiful’ he thought taking yet another swig of filth. ‘What was someone like that doing with someone like me?’ He asked himself that every day before her death and after all he could ask himself was ‘why wasn’t I there to save her?’

Quite buzzed, he decided he would go lie in bed. He felt like crying but instead of doing so he took another chug of tequila. He sat on the edge of the bed running his hand over her pillow. “God I miss her” he slurred “she was my world and now what do I have to live for?” He stumbled towards the closet this time throwing the doors open as though he were pressed for time and didn’t know what to wear. Sophie had kept some of her things hung in his closet for when she stayed the night. He had looked at those clothes thinking they would bring her back. He pulled down a shirt and hid his face in it, her sweet smell tickling his nose. He ran his hands over the plethora of fabrics, flashes of memories seeped into his booze soaked mind.

“You know, all this drinking isn’t going to bring her back Jax.” spoke a sultry voice from behind the closet doors. “However I know of a way to do just that if you are willing to listen and cooperate.” The man to whom the voice belonged to stepped into Jax line of vision just as he was haphazardly spinning around. “Who the fuck are you?” Jax started to bellow. “And how the fuck did you get into my fucking house?” Jax reached out to push the man but he was too drunk and the stranger was too fast. Jax tumbled forward almost knocking the man down. “Oh dear. See what drinking does? It makes you stupid. Although they DO say you do stupid things during the grieving process. This however has to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen, and trust me babe I’ve seen enough.” The stranger set Jax on the foot of the bed. He started pacing the room his Converse squeaking on the hard wood floor. Jax noticed that he was well too well dressed to be wearing Converse. He wore a black suite with a white undershirt and tie. Jax also noticed the man’s hair wasn’t gray so much as it was white, and not platinum blond ether but pure white.

“Now Jax my boy, let us get the trifle introductions out of the way shall we? My name is Michael, and I am here to grant you…hmm…not a wish. How about giving you a second chance. Ah yes. I like that better. Granting you a wish makes me sound like a Genie and there is NO way you are going to get this beautiful hair in a turban.” At this statement he whipped his ponytail off his shoulder. “Anyway back to business. You recently lost your girlfriend right?” Jax stood up. “What do you know about the people who killed Sophie? Tell me now wile you still can.” Michael placed a hand on Jax chest and pushed gently causing him to fall backwards onto the bed. “Listen buddy. You are in no place to make demands like that. Specially seeing as I am here to do you a favor. Now are we going to play nice?” Jax grunted as he sat up mumbling “yeah sure whatever.” Michael clapped his hands like a child who just got a shiny new toy chirping “goodie. Now listen. What I’m about to say is going to sound crazy but hear me out. I am here to offer you the chance to go back in time to save Sophie. I don’t expect you to understand that right now, but it’s true. You can go back. You can save her. You just have to do exactly as I say because this is going to get tricky.” he got right into Jax face before saying “are you listening?” “I’m listening but I don’t believe a single word you’re saying. You’re the tequila talking.” ‘Nooooo if I was the tequila I’d be speaking Spanish. ANYWAY if you are interested you can go back and save her. There’ll be consequences because you are going back a little too far in time but those are things you are going to have to live with. Everything about you and your life and the lives of others will change if you bring Sophie back. Hell she might not even love you anymore. Are you willing to risk everything you have to save her?”

Jax sat there quiet for a moment. Was he actually willing to change the very world he lived in to save Sophie? What if she did in fact end up hating him or worse what if HE hated HER? Unfortunately the booze was clouding his better judgment. “Let’s do it.” He said after a long pause. “Are you one trillion percent sure?” Michael asked looking a bit grim. “Never been surer in my life.” Jax said. “Well then get off you ass and lets go”. Michael proclaimed giving Jax his hand. “Um how are we going to go into the past?” Jax asked. “Maybe I am like a Gene in the fact that I got a little magic up my sleeves. We walk through your bedroom door and BAM five years into the past we go. You ready?”

Jax slowly stood up from the bed. “I was born ready.”

____________________________________________________________

It was getting to be unbearable. He had been living with this grief for five years now and frankly he had enough. On his way home from work he stopped at the liquor store and picked up a bottle of vodka, tequila and some rum. His goal was to drown the memory of Sophie out of his head with as much alcohol as possible.  He parked his  car and slowly stepped out. Even the house was getting to be a bit much for him. There was so much there that reminded him of her but he wasn’t willing to get rid of it no matter how much it hurt him.

As he walked up the walkway he cracked open the tequila taking two big gulps and then shuddering as he remembered how much he hated the taste. “This is gotta be bad” he muttered to himself fumbling for his house key. “If I’m willing to down this shit then I MUST be going insane”. He kicked open the door and threw down  his briefcase. Shoes came next kicking them into the closet followed by the tossing of his coat. He swigged some more tequila deciding he was going to get the nasty shit out of the way first.

On his way to the den he saw pictures of her hanging on the wall. ‘She was beautiful’ he thought taking yet another swig of filth. ‘What was someone like that doing with someone like me?’ He asked himself that every day before her death and after all he could ask himself was ‘why wasn’t I there to save her?’

Quite buzzed, he decided he would go into their room. He hadn’t set foot in there in the five years she was gone, opting to instead sleep in the guest room or on the couch. He slowly opened the door. Her smell wafted towards him as though she had just been in the room. He felt like crying but instead of doing so he took another chug of tequila. He sat on the edge of the bed running his hand over her pillow. “God I miss her” he slurred “she was my world and now what do I have to live for?” He stumbled towards the closet this time throwing the doors open as though he were pressed for time and didn’t know what to wear. Again her sweet smell tickled  his nose. He ran his hands over the plethora of fabrics, flashes of memories seeped into his booze soaked mind.

“You know, all this drinking isn’t going to bring her back Jax.” spoke a sultry voice from behind the closet doors. “However I know of a way to do just that if you are willing to listen and cooperate.” The man to whom the voice belonged to stepped into Jax line of vision just as  he was haphazordly spinning around. “Who the fuck are you?” Jax started to bellow. “And how the fuck did you get into my fucking house?” Jax reached out to push the man but he was too drunk and the stranger was too fast. Jax tumbled forward almost knocking the man down. “Oh dear. See what drinking does? It makes you stupid. Although they DO say you do stupid things during the grieving process. This however has to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen, and trust me babe I’ve seen enough.” The stranger set Jax on the foot of the bed. He started pacing the room his Converse squeaking on the hard wood floor. Jax noticed that he was well too well dressed to be wearing Converse. He wore a black suite with a white undershirt and tie. Jax also noticed the man’s hair wasn’t gray so much as it was white, and not platinum blond ether but pure white.

“Now Jax my boy, let us get the trifle introductions out of the way shall we? My name is Michael, and I am here to grant you…hmm…not a wish. How about giving you a second chance. Ah yes. I like that better. Granting you a wish makes me sound like a Genie and there is NO way you are going to get this beautiful hair in a turban.” At this statement he whipped his ponytail off his shoulder. “Anyway back to business. You recently lost your fiance right?” Jax stood up. “What do you know about the people who killed Sophie? Tell me now wile you still can.” Michael placed a hand on Jax chest and pushed gently causing him to fall backwards onto the bed. “Listen buddy. You are in no place to make demands like that. Specially seeing as I am here to do you a favor. Now are we going to play nice?” Jax grunted as he sat up mummbling “yeah sure whatever.” Michael clapped his hands like a child who just got a shiny new toy chirping “goodie. Now listen. what I’m about to say is going to sound crazy but hear me out. I am here to offer you the chance to go back in time to save Sophie. I don’t expect you to understand that right now, but it’s true. You can go back. You can save her. You just have to do exactly as I say because this is going to get tricky.” he got right into Jax face before saying “are you listening?” “I’m listening but I don’t believe a single word you’re saying. You’re the tequila talking.” ‘Nooooo if I was the tequila I’d be speaking Spanish. ANYWAY if you are interested you can go back and save her. There’ll be consequences because you are going back a little too far in time but those are things you are going to have to live with. Everything about you and your life and the lives of others will change if you bring Sophie back. Hell she might not even love you anymore. Are you willing to risk everything you have to save her?”

Jax sat there quiet for a moment. Was he actually willing to change the very world he lived in to save Sophie? What if she did in fact end up hating him, or worse what if HE hated HER? Unfortunately the booze was clouding his better judgment. “Lets do it.” He said after a long pause. “Are you one trillion percent sure?” Michael asked looking a bit grim. “Never been more sure in my life.” Jax said. “Well then get off you ass and lets go”. Michael proclaimed giving Jax  his hand. “Um how are we going to go into the past?” Jax asked. “Maybe I am like a Gene in the fact that I got a little magic up my sleeves. We walk through your bedroom door and BAM five years into the past we go. You ready?”

Jax slowly stood up from the bed. “I was born ready.”

____________________________________________________________

Kay so that may not have been EXACTLY how the dream went but I do remember Jax being a twat and Michael was a bit more funny. Oh well. Funny how dreams and things change when you write them out. I’m tired now so this’ll be it for now. If anyone reads this I’ll post my NaNo updates here.

XOXO

Has anyone else out there felt as though they were all alone in the world? I had this thought sneak up on me today because I was, get this, all alone. My folks are out of town for the night and I’m home with no one to talk to. In this state of utter alone I got to thinking about my life and how it seems to be going no where. It was really depressing. Even when I tried talking to people I felt alone. It’s as if the world around me is in a constant state of flux I’m the only one that seems to be in standby. All of my friends are getting married and having babies and living these extraordinary lives. I live at home, spend most of my time hidden away in my room on the internet. I don’t really have a life.

And then, as I write this, my net friends pull through and save the day. I get in a skype group convo and all hell breaks loose. I guess life isn’t really all that bad